Upward Spiral.

I hit rock bottom. I ran less, weighed more, and I thought I was happy with the way I was, until I realised I wasn't, at which point, I knew it needed to change.

It started with my nails. I thought "I'll just get my nails done. To cheer myself up". And it did. It made me smile, and people commented on how nice they looked. And so I tried making myself a new top. And I had to make it in a size 20.

TWENTY. Something snapped inside me. The biggest I'd made myself before was a size 16. Enough was enough.

So on January 12th this year, I walked in through the doors of my local Slimming World group, weighing in at my heaviest ever - including when I was pregnant. I had no idea what it involved, or what to expect.

Over the past 17 weeks, I have lost a total of 2 stone 4.5lb (32.5lb for those who don't measure in stones), and lost 2 dress sizes in the process. I have 1 stone 2 lb (16lb) to go until I hit my target weight.

I have lost the equivalent bodyweight of my three year old daughter. I hope to lose that of my six year old son.

Now I'm not effectively giving my smallest a piggyback everywhere, I have strapped on my trainers and I am running again. And I'm enjoying it.

In fact, I am enjoying it so much, I entered the ballot for the London Marathon in 2016. Then I thought about how long those odds are, and decided that I have to start training now. If I train from now until October I'll be totally hacked off if I've got no marathon to go to. All dressed up and the party gets cancelled.

So in a fit of pique I applied for a Golden Bond place for the charity Action On Hearing Loss (formerly the RNID). And 9 hours later they called me up and said that they want me to join their team. I cried when I found out. I had sort of semi-resigned myself to not ever being able to do run the London Marathon, but now I really can, and I have every opportunity to do it this year.

So it looks very much like I will be running the London Marathon 2016 for charity.

And I'm excited, and I'm scared, and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to raise £2000. I know NOTHING about marathons. I am doing a couch to 5k programme at the moment, and I just completed W3D3. Best thing is, I feel like I could run twice that. I've just been out running and it honestly feels like I could do it all again and not be tired or too out of breath.

I am doing something I have said I want to do since I was 18. I didn't realise I had a bucket list until now.

So, if you want to come on this journey with me, I'd love the company!

And if you want to lob any money in my direction, I know a charity who'd really benefit from it.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Run-Rachel-Run

Let's go! x

Miles run: 2.41
Minutes run: 33.06

It's been a while...

Miles run: 0.124
Minutes run: 0.45

Yes. I did it. I ran in the Mums' race at my son's preschool. I came 3rd.

This isn't bad, considering I was barefoot, and I haven't so much as run for a bus in the past 4 years.

Then a month later, I ran in the mums' race at my daughter's toddler group summer fete. I won.

Smug smuggity smugsmugsmug. Yes, that's me. Basking in the glory of running 200m. I even got a medal.

So yes, here I am again. 2 years down the line, I am now a Mum of two.

I am a little older
I am a little wiser
I am certainly more frazzled than I was last time I posted
I am much less anxious
I am no longer on anti-depressants
I can go shopping in town without having a panic attack - yeah!
I had a lot of dark times when I started this blog
I have had a lot of good times during my silence
I want to run my way back into smaller jeans as I am now even heavier than I was!
I am actually going to do it this time.
I am about to sign up to a gym so I can run in all weathers...

...but not before I go on holiday for a week in St Ives!

Stage one: complete.

Minutes run: 0
Miles run: 0

Apps downloaded: 2!

I have downloaded Couch to 5k, and runkeeper (free version).

Stage two is to dig out my trainers, and find something to wear. I think I've got a sports bra or two, I might have to find some leggings, as I think blancmange pink velour tracky bottoms might look a little too much like I'm running around naked.

I hate driving around in the car doing double takes of "WTFthey'reNAKED???" followed by "ohhh ok, dodgy choice of tracksuit colour." followed by "eeewwwww but that must be close to what they look like naked."

People - please only wear non-flesh-tone running garments. It's better for everyone that way!

So here I am.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Oh good. Nice to see you.

I suppose I should introduce myself.

I am 30.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a dog owner.
I am unfit.
I am carrying about 2 stone of baby blubber.
I used to enjoy sport.
I used to be a runner, many moons ago.
I love food.
I particularly love desserts.
I especially love winter desserts, the lardier the better.
I love cake.
I love biscuits.
I love making things.
I can sew.
I can paint.
I love doing DIY.
I love putting up flat-pack furniture.

I am depressed.
I suffer from panic attacks.
I suffer from an anxiety disorder.
I don't know what's going on in my own brain any more.
I constantly doubt myself.
I don't like what depression has turned me into.
I don't like who depression has made me into.
I can't go into town without having a panic attack.
I am beginning to not like leaving the house for fear of one.

I own a pair of trainers.
I own an iPhone.
Even on my worst day, I am capable of putting one foot in front of the other.

Here is where I hope to run my way back to fitness, to health, to happiness, and maybe some smaller jeans.

Wish me luck!

The Runner x