I actually did it.

Km run: 3.08
Minutes run: about 30.

I actually did it. I actually signed up to an actual gym. And I ran. 1 km on Wednesday, and then did some weights. And today, I realised I had about 2 hours spare this morning- called the gym, booked a crèche place, and just went. I ran 1.08km on the treadmill, then 0.5km on the cross trainer, and then 0.5km on the treadmill to cool down. Plus other stuff in between.

I actually enjoyed it. This is weird for me- I think it's because I can actually see things being good for me- every other time I've embarked upon any form of exercise, I've not really had a clear goal. This time it's different. I have several.

1. To be healthier. I live a reasonably sedentary lifestyle, and this needs to change. I don't do things because I'll get out of breath/too tired. I only get that way because I stopped doing them in the first place!

2. To stop my knees hurting. When I was 17/18 I had 2 lots of major knee surgery- every time I bent my leg my kneecap dislocated. It hurt. They fixed it by moving the tendon that holds your kneecap in place across the front of your knee quite a few mm, and then screwing it back into place. I had months and months of physio. They discharged me saying "make sure you never get unfit or it'll start hurting again!" Yup. I went and did exactly that.

3. To change my shape. If I look in the mirror side on, I look about 5 or 6 months pregnant. I hate it. I feel fat, frumpy and unattractive. This is not how I normally am, and it needs to change.

4. To lose weight. While not essential, it would be nice. I am about 13 stone 10lb right now. I think I was about 10.5 stone on my wedding day. I'd like to get to 11.5 stone, and then see where I go from there.

5. To get back into half the clothes in my wardrobe. I'm too fat for them.

So, here I am. This is the beginning of my journey. Wish me luck.

It's been a while...

Miles run: 0.124
Minutes run: 0.45

Yes. I did it. I ran in the Mums' race at my son's preschool. I came 3rd.

This isn't bad, considering I was barefoot, and I haven't so much as run for a bus in the past 4 years.

Then a month later, I ran in the mums' race at my daughter's toddler group summer fete. I won.

Smug smuggity smugsmugsmug. Yes, that's me. Basking in the glory of running 200m. I even got a medal.

So yes, here I am again. 2 years down the line, I am now a Mum of two.

I am a little older
I am a little wiser
I am certainly more frazzled than I was last time I posted
I am much less anxious
I am no longer on anti-depressants
I can go shopping in town without having a panic attack - yeah!
I had a lot of dark times when I started this blog
I have had a lot of good times during my silence
I want to run my way back into smaller jeans as I am now even heavier than I was!
I am actually going to do it this time.
I am about to sign up to a gym so I can run in all weathers...

...but not before I go on holiday for a week in St Ives!